Sitting on it

Allegedly -- ALLEGEDLY -- the LA Times is sitting on a story about a presidential candidate's sex scandal that could rock the '08 race. The paper has to make some very important ethical decisions about running the story and possibly changing the landscape of the next presidential election, that is, if they actually have a story.

Here are some wild and unproven theories about what it could be:

• Obama Girl really is Obama's girl. And she has video to prove it.
• Um. Hillary killed another ready-to-serve former intern. Or something.
• Mitt Romney not only has multiple wives, but several of them aren't even Mormon. They're, like, Catholic.
• John McCain has a Vietnamese love child living out in Arizona.
• Fred Thompson's daughter is actually a stem-cell clone given to him by the fascist liberals running those secret labs under Planned Parenthoods across the country.
• Dennis Kucinich keeps his wife's hotter, younger sister hidden away in his dungeon and thus, she is forced to pretend to love him.
• Rudy is gay. Alright, that's not so much a shocker.