WARNING: The following jokes are entirely inappropriate and/or not entirely funny. Be aware.
Joseph Randazzo, assistant editor of The Onion and last night's
champion:
- "I would like to thank the Jewish cabal that secretly controls the media:
Oprah, Katie Couric, Bill O'Reilly, Steven Speilberg and that guy who works
at the bagel shop on Sullivan Street." - "Only in America can the son of a senator grow up to be the father of a president, whose brother is a governor ... only in America."
- "I didn't get to do the bit about how lesbians are responsible for 9/11."
Matt Cooper, the Washington editor of Portfolio and former (?) confidante of Karl "The Comedy Killer" Rove
- "Congress is going to pass a resolution denouncing Henry VIII."
- "Larry Craig should have just said, 'I just love cock.'"
David Korn, the Nation
- "Hillary should not be saying anything about messes in the Oval Office."
- "When it comes to pulling out, a woman knows best."
Ana Marie Cox, former Wonketter and now at Time.com
- "He's a real come from behind kind of guy." -- Craig, obviously.
- "Giuliana promises to outlaw abortions -- in the Oval Office. And, and, the waiting period for gay marriage will be longer than the waiting period for a gun."
- "I never get in a car with a drunk driver unless he's wearing a condom." -- in reference to former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee's comment that safe sex is like drunken driving
- "Then what is unprotected sex like?"
- "I think Hillary knows all about loose meat." -- too long to explain.
- "Print's not dead. Print is a grouchy, sick old man. If it were dead, someone would be collecting on its insurance and actually profiting from it. Print just wishes it were dead." -- speculation on the fate of the print media
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